How to get over photo anxiety before your wedding.
Since I’ve been in wedding photography, I can’t tell you the number of times couples have told me they don’t feel comfortable being photographed. I feel I must caveat that last statement by saying, they share their photo anxiety before I’ve photographed them and usually before we’ve even met.
When I ask them where this photo anxiety comes from most people say it’s because they’re not photogenic.
In all cases (so far), this feeling hasn’t been the result of a bad experience with a professional photographer – the couples just don’t like the way they look in photos and have subsequently attached a fear to being photographed.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of wedding photography blogs will tell you that the key to getting over photo anxiety lies in finding the right photographer – well, we all want you to choose us, don’t we!
This suggestion is helpful but it’s just the tip of the iceberg because the real solution lies in learning how to like your appearance in photos.
Just before I dive into the self-help part, I’d like to quickly share a little bit of the science behind…
Why we don’t like our appearance in photographs.
We think we’re better looking than we actually are
It came as a shock to me too – however, according to a study by Epley and Whitchurch (2008), we’re all susceptible to something called self-enhancement, which means we have a tendency to assess our own attributes and abilities more favourably than is objectively warranted.
In the Epley/Whitchurch study, this came to light when participants were asked to identify photographs of themselves from a selection of real and digitally enhanced images; the digitally enhanced photos had been manipulated to make the participants appear more attractive.
When asked to choose their “real” image, participants consistently chose photographs which had been manipulated to be more attractive. In the control group, complete strangers were able to accurately select the real photographs of those same individuals.
No wonder we have photo anxiety. We’re always disappointed with our true appearance. Imagine feeling that way about a whole album of wedding photography!
We’re used to seeing a reflected image of ourselves
Another scientific phenomenon that has a bearing on why we dislike our image in photographs so much is something known as the “mere-exposure effect” (Zajonc, 1968). The mere-exposure effect asserts that the more we encounter a stimulus – person, object, thing – the greater our tendency to like it. When you see yourself in your wedding photography, no doubt you’ll be wearing your finest clothes. All the same, what we see in a photograph (wedding photography included) is not the familiar mirror-image we know so we don’t tend to like it as much. Our friends and family on the other hand much prefer photographs that show our true image.
So what’s the solution?
How to get over your photo anxiety
Here are a few ideas that I’ve found helpful when I’m working with couples that experience photo anxiety in relation to their wedding photography.
1. Meet your wedding photographer
One of the biggest fears we tend to have about wedding photography is not knowing what to expect and what’s going to be expected of us. Meeting your wedding photographer before the big day and sharing your concerns will allow you to get an understanding of how your photographer works and how they will help you with direction on where to look and what to do with your body, hands and feet, etc.
Sometimes, it’s just not possible to meet your photographer before your wedding day. If that’s the case for me, I find the best way to ease couples into the wedding photography process is to get them focusing on each other, rather than looking at the camera; if you’re looking at each other and thinking about the love and excitement of the day, it tends to relieve a lot of that photo anxiety we sometimes attach to the photographer.
2. Book an engagement shoot
The idea of booking a photo shoot in addition to your wedding photography might sound horrendous but leading on from my last point, it’s probably the quickest way to get over your photo anxiety. Getting to see what’s on the back of the camera when it’s taken can be a real confidence boost. And if there are some poses you don’t like as much as others, you can simply tell your photographer so they don’t repeat them on your wedding day.
Personally, I’ve never photographed a couple that experience photo anxiety that didn’t feel better after an engagement session. Here are a few blogs I’ve written about engagement shoots that should give you some more information on how it all works. You’ll also find some examples of engagement photos I’ve taken:
Getting over camera shyness with an engagement shoot
Choosing a location for your engagement shoot
A romantic engagement shoot at Old Luxters Barn
Sunset engagement shoot at Brill Windmill
3. Immerse yourself in photos of you
The mere-exposure effect tells us that we’ll like our real image more if we get to see it regularly so dig out those old photo albums, visit your social media profiles and start consuming yourself today. And tomorrow. And the day after. Keep going at least until your wedding day and wedding photography is behind you. But keep it brief because short bursts are more effective – that’s another study btw.
4. Take selfies or get someone else to take your photo
Taking selfies is another way to get used to seeing the real you. People that take selfies on a regular basis are often more accepting of their appearance in photographs and therefore, more likely to love their wedding photography. I think that’s as much about becoming comfortable in front of a camera as it is a factor of the mere-exposure effect.
If you don’t like selfies, ask your partner or someone close to take a few photos. And keep going. Until you it doesn’t trigger photo anxiety anymore.
5. Learn how to bring your natural smile to photos
Apparently, it’s been scientifically proven that smiling increases our perception of attractiveness (Golle, 2014) but smiling on demand is no mean feat particularly if you’re feeling uncomfortable or nervous, like just before your wedding ceremony. It is however a skill we can all acquire with practice. Here are a couple of very simple tips to get you started:
Think of something that makes you happy and bring that to your smile.
Another reason we don’t like the way we look in a photo is because our smile looks forced and unnatural
The key to a natural smile lies in your eyes which is why it helps to come up with a smile trigger. A smile trigger is something (usually one event) you recall from memory that brings a genuine smile to your face every time you think of it.
It might be a memorable holiday, your graduation, the birth of your children, finding your first home, your dog, your cat, driving your dream car, your partner, a good friend or family member, a joke, an event, something else.
With a bit of mirror practice, you’ll find you can also increase the amount of warmth in your eyes (and therefore your smile) just by thinking more deeply about your smile trigger. Don’t worry, you won’t look weird in photos, you’ll look beautiful, kind, friendly, happy – all the good things.
And if your smile trigger stops working for you, find another because this is the single most important aid to producing a natural looking smile in wedding photography (IMHO).
If you’re struggling to keep that smile trigger in mind, you can always try to ‘fake it ’til you make it’ come naturally. The way to do this is to engage your eyes by squinting slightly while smiling with your mouth. This can help create a more genuine and friendly look.
6. Learn some facial relaxation techniques.
Another feature of a natural looking smile is a relaxed face. Tension in your face can make your smile look forced and unnatural. So, take a deep breath, then let your face muscles slowing relax and focus on how good it feels to smile.
Getting over photo anxiety is not rocket science and you could end up really loving your wedding photography (or whatever photos you’re taking). All you have to do is get used to seeing your real image then recall something that makes you genuinely smile. Easy! Now, over to you.
If you’d like to fast track your way to liking your own image and getting over photo anxiety, why not organise an engagement shoot. It’s a good way to get comfortable with your wedding photographer and get some professional direction in front of a camera. It doesn’t have to cost a lot and you’re sure to have some fun in the process.
If you’d like to see some couples that experienced photo anxiety before we met, take a look at my wedding gallery and see if you can pick them out.
I cover weddings in Oxford, Bucks, Berkshire and beyond.
For the latest updates on my wedding photography, follow me on Facebook and Instagram as Alison Busby Wedding Photography.