29 years ago, I eloped to America. At the time, I didn’t think “I’m eloping” but that’s what it is when you go off on our own [as couple] to secretly marry without friends or family being present.
For me, the idea of elopement came from a girlfriend who was getting married in Hawaii so she didn’t have to deal with the family politics of an inter-racial marriage. My story was slightly different, but family politics was still very much part of it.
Since then, I’ve met a lot more couples that have chosen to elope, albeit not as many as decided on a traditional wedding but according to Bride Magazine elopement has been on the rise for several years. And, perhaps because of Covid, interest in elopement in 2020 appears to be increasing even further.
Why is elopement a good idea?
The obvious attraction of an elopement is to save money but apparently that’s not why most of us do it – in fact we’re nearly twice as likely to choose an elopement because we don’t want a big wedding.
One of the things I liked about eloping was that we only had to think about ourselves and what we wanted.
The couples whose weddings I photograph – particularly the larger events – are often worried about spending enough time with guests. This invariably manifests as the newlyweds spending most of their wedding day apart.
In reality, the need to “divide and conquer” is just a factor of hosting a large event but it may not be how you expected to spend the first day of your married life.
The last reason you might find an elopement appealing is that it does give you an escape from those family politics I mentioned earlier. Whether that’s dissension between divorced parents, disputes over who to invite, decisions about who’s in the wedding party or anything else that could upset your day, it can all put a damper on proceedings.
A damper that all-but vanishes with an elopement.
Five steps to a successful elopement – not as complex as others claim
If you’ve already thought about an elopement, you may have come across some of the many wedding blogs that describe how complex the process of elopement is and how much planning you need to do. I’ve read them too and all I can conclude is that these people are not speaking from experience.
Of course, you don’t want your elopement to be a learning experience. That wouldn’t be good. And, yes, I did make a couple of mistakes myself.
But even accounting for the benefit of hindsight, I can still only come up with five steps to a successful elopement that cover all essential bases. And they’re all quite simple.
Anything on top of this might be nice but it’s not essential, in my experience.
- Check the legal requirements for where you’re going and book a date for your ceremony. Whether you’re getting married here or abroad, the first thing you need to do is understand the legal requirements for getting married at your chosen destination (and venue) and give yourself enough time to apply for any relevant documents you’ll need to have with you. After that, everything else pretty much hinges on you setting a date so that’s the other first step.
- Think really carefully about what you want to wear and take it with you. When I was eloping, it wasn’t until that sleepy bank-holiday in Incline Village (aka our wedding day) that I suddenly realised it would be quite nice to get married in a wedding dress. Too late. Nothing was open. We married in our jeans.Of course, if casual sounds perfect, you’re home and dry but if you’ve ever spent a moment dreaming of a fairy tale wedding, it might be worth putting that dream to the test; go out, try on a few outfits. Be certain.Whatever you decide, you’ll still get some great photos but if you do go for casual don’t be disappointed when your wedding photos don’t look like they were taken on your wedding day. Research and book any services that are important to you in advance. At most destinations today, you’ll still be able to arrange things like wedding photography, flowers, hairdressers, etc. at the last minute, but you’re more likely to pay a premium for those services and don’t forget that the best people always get booked up early.
- Get your wedding rings before you go. Now that I’ve said it, I’m not really sure it’s that important. It does make life easier though; especially if there’s not much time between your arrival at your destination and your wedding day. You’re also going to be limited to what’s available locally, as well as what’s on trend locally.
- Tell all of your close family and friends or none of them in advance. This doesn’t have anything to do with the physical process of your elopement but it can have a lasting impact on relationships with family and friends. Don’t assume, as I did, that telling everyone after the event will make up for missing someone out before.
What if you want to elope with all the trappings of a big wedding?
When I eloped, I just wanted to get married; I never wanted a big wedding, probably because I don’t enjoy being centre of attention. If you do want all the trappings of a big wedding but just don’t want a lot of guests, you’ll need to think about some other stuff as well.
I’m not going to write about that here because other sites, like Hitched and Bride Magazine have done a good enough job before me.
If however, you’d like to know more about elopement wedding photography, I’d love to have a chat with you. Use this link to find out more about my small wedding and elopement package or check my availability for elopement photography.
Visit my wedding photos gallery to see more examples of my work.